Friday, July 17, 2009

Prescription for Hypotension

Last Saturday evening we had a family get together to watch the fireworks over Lake Koshkonong from Grandpa Jerry's house. Grandpa John was there, as was TrogloPundit and Dactyl. The place was also overrun with rugrats. A very good time was had by all.

My discerning diagnostic eye determined that co-host Grandpa Jerry was awfully calm. He needed something to raise that apparent hypotensive condition. For this I prescribe a healthy dose of this:

Jane Fonda wearing a t-shirt bearing her own picture. Grandpa Jerry loves Hanoi Jane.



However, we would recommend that to match that smug, arrogant expression, you should have this picture emblazoned on your t-shirt.


Grandpa Jerry's blood pressure should be significantly raised.

North Korean Test Missile Strikes Wisconsin Home

A North Korean missile struck a home near Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin, this afternoon, but failed to totally detonate its warhead. The prototype 'Oscar Mayer Jong Il' intercontinental ballistic missile spewed ketchup all over the place, but was not able to contaminate Racine County with its radioactive kimchi relish. The Obama administration blamed the homeowner, Nick Krupp, and his family for their anti-Asian whiteness. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton asked that the North Koreans forgive our arrogance and to please not do it again as the Krupp family is about to become very large taxpayers.

(AP Photo/Journal Times, Tom McCauley)

Who in the Heck Named You Jinx?

Jinx Taylor brought 4 pieces of jade that her father had given her to the Antiques Road Show to be appraised.


Conservative estimate: $1.07 million

($37.59 after Health Care, Cap & Trade, and Soak the Rich taxes)


Linda, I'll be out digging through the garage. You check out the attic. Matt, check the back of the refrigerator. I've seen some jade green colors back in there.

Pirates Pillage Che

Big Hollywood notes the revolution against Che's bank account:
Director Steven Soderbergh blames piracy for the box office failure of ”Che,” which made less than half of its budget back:
“We got crushed in South America. We came out in Spain in September of last year and it was everywhere within a matter of days. It killed it.”

Rene Burri photo defaced by the dread pirate Burri.
Arrrrrr!




Thursday, July 16, 2009

What's Good for the Goose...

Ousted Honduran President Mel Zelaya had attempted to change his nation's constitution in an unauthorized manner. He wanted to abrogate the limits of his term as Honduran president. When he was forcibly removed and exiled to Costa Rica President Obama and his Administration, in conjunction with the Organization of American States, labeled the removal a coup and stated that they would not recognize any leader beside Zelaya.

In the same vein, therefore, my administration and the Organization of Americans label this past election a coup and demand the return of George W. Bush to the Presidency of The United States of America, despite its abrogation of presidential term limits of our constitution, and the voluntary stepping aside of President Barack Obama. We will not recognize any leader beside Bush.

Just Words... Just Speeches

Donald Douglas reminds us of then Senator Obama's speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention that elevated him to national prominence:
And there's no greater sin in American history than the evil of slavery. CNN's shameless exploitation of racial sympathy is to be expected. But it's simply despicable that the President himself would pander this issue, given that his rise to national power was predicated on a pledge to advance the cause of post-racial America. Obama launched his career on the national stage with one of the most important political speeches of a generation. At the 2004 Democratic Convention, Obama proclaimed:
Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us - the spin masters, the negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of "anything goes." Well, I say to them tonight, there is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a Black America and a White America and Latino America and Asian America - there’s the United States of America.
Just words... Just speeches.

Favre Nearly Ready to Sign with the Vikings

HATTIESBURG, MS- After a long workout at Oak Grove High School, quarterback Brett Favre said that he is just about ready for a return to the NFL, this time with the Minnesota Vikings.
"Although I'm still experiencing some pain while throwing, my stamina and technique are indicating that I will be able to be at my best throughout a full NFL season. I threw nearly 150 passes today and 15 or 20 were intercepted, so I think I'm ready."

The Honorable Al Franken

Senator from the Great State of Minnesota

Burt Prelutsky:
It is appropriate, though, that Franken represents Minnesota. Its state bird, after all, is the loon.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The New McBurri- Coming Soon?

Philip Stafford in London reports in the Financial Time.com:
McDonald’s is to leave London for Geneva, joining the growing ranks of US companies moving their European headquarters to take advantage of preferential intellectual property tax laws.

The fast-food group, which will open its head office in the Swiss city in the autumn, said the move had been almost a year in the planning.

The Swiss tax regime, particularly for intellectual property, has become increasingly attractive for foreign companies, particularly the regional European headquarters of US multinationals.

Kraft, Procter & Gamble, Google, Electronic Arts and Yahoo have switched from the UK to Switzerland in recent years, while Informa, the UK publisher, is changing its tax domicile to the country.
One pound pure beef patty, Brandy sauce, bacon, cheese, mayo, on a William Tell bun. Served with a six pack of your choice.

So much for the appetizer. For the main course Lance recommends...

(H.T. Don Surber.)

My Momma Always Said...

"Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."


Reality & Perception.


(Toon H.T. Left Coast Rebel.)

Pelosi, Reid, & the Priest

In Washington an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid before I die", whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to Congress and waited for a response.

Soon the word arrived; Both would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Nancy, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help our images and might even help us get re-elected. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT". Nancy agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Reid's hand in his right hand and Nancy's hand in his left.

There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Nancy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

"Amen", said Nancy. "Amen", said Reid.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."


(From Wicked Thoughts.)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Divine Right of Gaia

The Attack of the Warm-Mongers

Mark Steyn earns his keep while making fun of Charles, Prince of Wales and Al Gore, Prince of Whales, et al.
Capitalism and consumerism have brought the world to the brink of economic and environmental collapse, the Prince of Wales has warned. . . . And in a searing indictment on capitalist society, Charles said we can no longer afford consumerism and that the ‘age of convenience’ was over.
He then got in his limo and was driven to his other palace.

Sarahcuda

Ralph Z. Hallow reports in an interview with Sarah Palin in The Washington Times:
"I'm not ruling out anything — it is the way I have lived my life from the youngest age," she said. "Let me peek out there and see if there's an open door somewhere. And if there's even a little crack of light, I'll hope to plow through it."
Sarah, there is a lot of darkness and many cracks. Go, Sarah, go.

(H.T. John Ray.)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Wisconsin Grizzly Gerbils Endangering Residents

It's War in Winneconne:
WINNECONNE – A Washington Street resident found out it’s not OK to shoot raccoons and gerbils in the village after a neighbor called police July 1 to report someone was discharging a .22 caliber rifle in a back yard.

But, Sheriff, I caught 'im hackin' inta mah computer.



But, Deputy, I caught him astealin' mah picinic basket.



Ya sure don't want to try to take on a gerbil with anything less than a .44 magnum.

A Sad Day

Today is the funeral and burial of the three year-old daughter of close friends and fellow church members. Little Patience died after drowning in a neighbor's swimming pool. She remained on life support for about a week and succumbed shortly thereafter.

Grief.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Rhesus Monkeys Prove Value of Obama Policies:

-Cap & Cage
-Universal Government Health Care
-Government Oversight of All Areas of Life


20 year UW-Madison study shows restrictions caused caged monkeys:
...have fewer age-related diseases... less shrinking with age in areas important for decision-making and controlling movement in the brains... helps preserve primates’ bodies and brains... extend the lifespan... even greater health benefits...
If we will be wise enough to allow the government to control our lives within literal or metaphorical cages, we will live much happier and longer lives.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Lance... Lance!.. Hey, Anybody Seen Lance?

Ja nahe an der Straße.

BERLIN (AFP) – German police called to clear a road of a dead badger found the animal in question had in fact gorged itself on over-ripe, fermented cherries and, blind drunk, staggered out into the middle of the road.

"The animal's stomach had turned the fruit to alcohol and the badger was, to put it crudely, drunk as a skunk," said a police statement on Wednesday. "In addition, the badger was suffering from diarrhoea studded with cherry stones."

Prodding the reluctant beast with a stick, officers managed to persuade it to leave the road near the town of Goslar in northwestern Germany and to sleep off his night of excess in a nearby meadow.

"It could not immediately be established whether the badger got into trouble with his wife when he came home in such a state," the tongue-in-cheek police statement concluded.

(H.T. Fark.com.)

Administration Alienating More Friends

The Administration continues to sidle up to our enemies and back stab our friends and sour diplomatic relations. This time it's Switzerland... again.

Back in February:
ZURICH, Feb 21 (Reuters) - The right-wing Swiss People's Party (SVP) called on Saturday for retaliation against the United States over a U.S. tax probe into the country's biggest bank UBS that threatens prized banking secrecy.
Presently:
Switzerland has vowed to prevent UBS from handing over client information to U.S authorities, in an attempt to defend bank secrecy, and says the tax case targeting its biggest bank is souring diplomatic ties.

Washington has accused UBS of hiding nearly $15 billion in assets in secret accounts but the tax litigation is also crucial for the future of the multibillion-dollar wealth management industry and is pushing several offshore banks to force clients to come clean.

The Swiss Justice Ministry said earlier on Wednesday that Swiss law prevents UBS from handing over client information and the government would seize UBS client data, if necessary, to stop that happening.
If this keeps up much longer, Lance and I may wind up in an internment camp. (Government food, lodging, health care... Come to think of it, the way things are going, perhaps the whole country will soom BE the camp.)

(H.T. Say Anything.)

President Obama Slams Gore, Cap & Trade

In a speech Tuesday at the New Economic School graduation in Moscow, President Barack Obama inadvertently struck Al Gore a blow in the nads and discounted the logic for Cap & Trade legislative measures. Here's the money quote:
Like President Medvedev and myself, you're not old enough to have witnessed the darkest hours of the Cold War, when hydrogen bombs were tested in the atmosphere, and children drilled in fallout shelters, and we reached the brink of nuclear catastrophe. But you are the last generation born when the world was divided. At that time, the American and Soviet armies were still massed in Europe, trained and ready to fight. The ideological trenches of the last century were roughly in place. Competition in everything from astrophysics to athletics was treated as a zero-sum game. If one person won, then the other person had to lose.

And then, within a few short years, the world as it was ceased to be. Now, make no mistake: This change did not come from any one nation. The Cold War reached a conclusion because of the actions of many nations over many years, and because the people of Russia and Eastern Europe stood up and decided that its end would be peaceful.
This presidential passage parsed is telling us that the Anthropocentric Global Warming produced through the efforts of many nations caused the melting of the glacial Cold War assuring peace between two dangerous superpowers. Global Warming saved the planet.

A Proposal for Congress

(At the risk of causing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Booker T. Washington, Jackie Robinson, and George Washington Carver to roll over in their graves...)

I did not watch any of the Michael Jackson coverage. However, even ESPN's Sports Center showed clips of Michael Jordan's and Magic Johnson's speeches at the ceremony. Apparently, Magic views Jackson as the finest human being that has ever lived.

Therefore:

Be it resolved that the United States Congress declare a national holiday to honor Michael Jackson.

Be it resolved that Michael Jackson Day be observed each year on February 30th.

Michael Jackson National Holiday theme song:

I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there

(Just look over your shoulders, honey - ooh)

I'll be there, I'll be there, whenever (or not) you need me, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah!